wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
