google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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