Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just cropdusted the office
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
