i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
