Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
