A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
