That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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