I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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