3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
