Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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