I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
only if we run a train.
done.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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