he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
