Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
