I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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