dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
