Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
