new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
