I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize