so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You are a genius and a whore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
