I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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