Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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