woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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