tell your sister to shave her snatch
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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