sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
