Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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