I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
