can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
