Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize