my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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