Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
