I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
