i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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