Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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