I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize