im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
