the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
