Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
