i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
