Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
