Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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