I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
