That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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