I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Mom said you looked used
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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