don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
