Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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