I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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