You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i think im in europe. pls send help
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
