I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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