Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
