I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
