I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
