U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
