I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
