google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
