there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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