Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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