my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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