You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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