the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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