She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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