I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
