Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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