What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At least life still wants to fuck me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
