this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
