The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize