Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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