HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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