TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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