I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
