Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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