so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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