Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
