How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
