This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
