Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
