You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
