Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
