your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
