Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
