I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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