How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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