if i can run in heels then i can drive
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize