so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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