This is not my ceiling
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
