I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
