HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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