My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize