there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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