my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
