I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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