Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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