i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
