She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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