dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
